His dad Part 1 My fixation is out of control. Our situatio..

His dad
Part 1

My fixation is out of control.
Our situation is so complex.
I send him messages... far more than I should perhaps.
My partner aware... I call him my partner only because when I tried to break up with him, he insisted that his alcohol dependence and my obsession with his father balance out...
They absolutely do not.

Perhaps he doesn't understand the extent... perhaps he doesn't know how often I check to see if his dad has seen my latest message... which he seems to be checking more regularly now...
That I think about him constantly or that I have pages of journal entries dedicated to this infatuation.

My "partner" and I have had a few conversations about my feeling for his dad. He said that if I wanted to explore that, i'd have to go on a break with him first... so after failing to get him to see that I wanted to break up, I said "I need to go on that break."
"What break?" He says...
"You said if I wanted to explore things with your dad, we have to go on a break first"

This boy... he has the patience and understanding of a saint and continues to feel responsible for me in my current mentally and emotionally debilitating state.
Of course I feel so utterly undeserving of his continued friendship and support for I am actively trying to shift my consciousness into a reality where him and I realise we are better as friends... where his father was my true soulmate all along and he is coming to that realisation with me...

my "partner" is waiting to see if anything comes of this and if it does, I will no doubt be no longer welcome in his home... but I feel drawn to a new beginning so although I have nowhere to go, I feel like it will be okay...
But of course in my mind I have this fantasy where his dad gives me his spare room... and eventually invites me to share his bed on occasion ;P

Sometimes it is hard to separate energetically following my truest path and delusion...
In saying that, the last time I was obsessed with someone (who actually claimed there was nothing there and called me delusional), we ended up having a baby together. A baby who is the only reason I now have these people in my life.

Could it all have been leading to this?