Hi! Sorry no posts yesterday, had kind of a 😵💫 and spent th..
Added 2022-02-18 16:34:40 +0000 UTCHi! Sorry no posts yesterday, had kind of a 😵💫 and spent the day outside instead of taking to the internet to air my grievances. It helped, I am ok 🖤
Although I am not sure if I will work on new content this weekend, I will tend to my inner life and my psychological needs. I want to please you but I need to make sure I’m in a good headspace to do so. I’m not unhappy, there are many things to be grateful for, but I feel deeply wounded that I have this analysis paralysis from not being able to make art the way I used to. I don’t know how to proceed. I lost my “vision” and I feel like I’m in a process of grief, like a true grieving where some part of me has died. I need like another ayahuasca ceremony and shamanic guidance or something. Once something dies you can’t make it live again. You can’t replace it. But you can move on, towards something new, a new dimension or iteration, without fear or restraint. Right now I feel stuck in this limbo between the past and the future but not exactly the present. I’m not sure. Sometimes to clear my head I’ll just be offline. It gives me anxiety being away from my job, as a chronic overworker, and it sucks to lose people when I’m offline, but there are things in life more important. I have to make peace of mind happen, and be kind to myself to the best of my ability, and prioritize that. It’s such a weird headspace. This is also why I feel like my Cyberhorny project is important, not just to me but to others, to show that digital sex workers have a human side. Still it’s been hard to focus and to do my passion projects. How do I transcend this? How do I let go of this pressure I place on myself?
There’s some days when I need to just recuperate. Decompress. Instead of focusing on the negative thoughts, I try to actively do something to combat them, even if it’s something really small. The small things can be huge. You can’t put a restraint on taking care of yourself. Staying offline for a day, even for a few days, won’t kill me, and I hope you are not disappointed with me if I skip a few days posting or am late in responding to a message.
Sounds so cheesy but we gotta do what we gotta do to stay sane.
What do you do to cope with chronic hardship and deep seated trauma? How do you heal?
🌸🖤 Here are my pretty nudes as compensation, I’ll be mad if these pics don’t make you hard!! 😡
